During church.
In bed.
On the couch.
In the car.
You get the idea.....I have been wondering how to encourage my husband to lead us spiritually without leading him spiritually. I know I am no where close to the perfect example of how a wife should be to her husband. I'm trying. It goes completely against the grain of what this world has taught me. My father was very much a teacher of don't take crap from anybody for any reason. Don't rely on others to do what you can do for yourself. He didn't want my sister and I to grow up thinking that we had to rely on somebody else to take care of us when we grew up. He wanted his daughters to be independent women. My sister has somehow managed to achieve a balance with her husband.
I on the other hand had some relationships that went sour. Those relationships affected how I have treated my husband. I took the reigns from the beginning. I made the decisions. I picked the church. I was in charge of how my son was raised. Jim was just along for the ride. Most of our close friends know how well that has worked out.
We have a good friend that had a few counseling times with us. It really opened my eyes on what kind of wife God wants me to be. Boy did I screw that one up. I have been really trying hard. I know I still screw up.....a lot.... I try to remember to pray about it more than I do. We haven't had a church home in a while. The small group that we had been in had grown and split so much that we didn't really know anybody in our group anymore. I felt more like a burden to them than a friend. We were more plugged in to our group than the church itself. Probably not a good thing but that's what happened. We finally stopped attending church altogether.
When the marriage really got on shaky ground, that was a wake up call to me that we were spiraling way far away from where God wants us. We tried one church that seemed ok in the beginning....The problem is, from day one, we were never greeted....by anyone. We had to seek people out for information. For me, that's a red flag. Jim seemed kind of interested so we kept going. I tried to join the choir, but I learned rather quickly that I wasn't a member of their clique. I never truly felt welcome there either. We looked for a home group. The first one they matched us up with had children my age and grandchildren Ryan's age. The second group disbanded after we met with them. It just didn't really feel like they were really listening to what we were saying.
One Tuesday, after reading a friend's blog, I called her and asked her where she went to church. She invited Jim and I to come with.
Yes, I know, twice now, I have presented to church choices to Jim. I said that I'm trying.
That very first Sunday they were having a discovery class. Jim really wanted to go. Unfortunately we had prior engagements and couldn't make it. This made my heart so happy. We have continued to attend this church.
The very first home group we tried, we are all about the same life stage. Our kids are all pretty close to the same age. Some of us are blended families. I was even called this afternoon by the group leader to see how I was feeling. I don't think I've ever been called out of the blue like that.
Sunday morning we asked our pastor if he had lunch plans. He said to check with his wife and if they were free, he'd love to go. I've only been to one church where the pastor didn't make us wade through all sorts of channels to have some time with him. Of course, that was a very scary day for Jim and I. That's another entry.
Every Sunday, it seems like God is talking directly to us. One Sunday our pastor was talking about Audacious Prayer. I already had my prayers lined up. One of them was answered immediately. (I'm not going into that one though) The second one I'm seeing God working to answer that one. Bit by bit, He is pulling at my husband's heart. This week, while I've been so sick, I've twice asked Jim to pray for me. While I wait for him to pray, I placed my hand over his heart and asked God to give Jim the words and the desire. Both times God has answered.
I know I myself am one giant audacious prayer. I am no where near the wife that God wants me to be, but I am longing for my husband to be the leader that God wants him to be in our marriage. I wish I knew my Bible well enough to find those scriptures every time, but for now I will have to settle with finding them as I go and making a note to remember when I come back.
I can see God working in my family. My son has started a Bible Study with the church and a devotional just for him that he does every day. Every day he asks if he can borrow my bible because he doesn't have one. For my birthday, I'm going to buy Ryan his own Bible that he can underline and make notes in and love on as I'm starting to do with my own.
The first time he saw me mark on mine, he asked if I was allowed to do that, as if I had just marked in a library book.
My reply was what one of my youth pastors told me a LONG time ago:
"God wants us to make notes. That's how we love on our Bibles. We make notes, underline, highlight and bookmark scripture for future reference. You can never read the Bible the same way twice."
I want my son to long for God in his life the way I do. I know I have a LOT of work, but we are all God's work.
I know as I'm writing this, I'm scattered and a little ADD. There has just been so much going on, and I don't want to forget. Every week I think we are getting a little closer to joining the church. That is not going to be my decision though. That will be entirely up to Jim.
Every Sunday that we have been at this church, we have been greeted multiple times. People remember us the following week. Even the pastor remembers who we are. That says a LOT to me. My standards are not God's standards though. I look forward to Sundays now more than ever. It's nice to know that the people at your church know who you are and care about you. Even if they have only known you for a month.
I'm really looking forward to growing in Christ and hopefully joining the church. I feel like it's home. I can see that God is working in Jim. I can see God's work in me too. When I would see prayer requests in an email or on Facebook, sometimes I would pray and sometimes I wouldn't. It depended on how close to the person I was. Yea, I know, not good. Now when I see a request, I stop and say a quick prayer. I don't pray with the usual "if it's your will Lord" disclaimer. I pray for the healing. I pray for the person that made the request. God doesn't want us to pray with a disclaimer. He wants us to pray Audacious Prayers.
I pray that God continues to work in me and Jim. I pray that he helps us in our marriage to have a Godly marriage. I want to be the wife that God commands me to be. I want Jim to be husband that God commands him to be. We have a LOT of work ahead, but with God, NOTHING is impossible.
What can we say about such wonderful things as these?
If God is for us, who can ever be against us?
Romans 8:31
