Goals, goals and more goals.

 I was recently asked about my goals.  I was asked about my long term goal and also a more immediate short term goal.  I don't know why, but when I'm asked questions like that where there could be an infinite number of answers, it's debilitatingly overwhelming.  I go blank.  I shut down. Most times I just sit there with my mouth open unable to make a noise.  It happened tonight when my husband told me to pick where we order from.

Goals:

Long Term - This one is easy becauseI have been working for this since 2020.  Thanks Ms. Rona for giving me some time.  I want to be an attorney.  More specifically, a family attorney that specializes in adoptions.  I was adopted at birth.  It didn't always make my life easy.  

     There were times that I was proud of being adopted.  There were times I was ashamed, because in my twisted little brain, I felt that I was thrown out like yesterday's trash.  Yea, I know, that's not true.  Bullies ruin lots of things.  My parents always offered to help me find my birthparents when I turned 18.  I didn't take them up on that right away.  Then I had an unplanned pregnancy and made the decision to place the baby for adoption.  Last minute change of plans and I became a mom to an amazing boy.  Then I needed information.  I was scared.  I needed advice that I thought only my birthmother could give me.  She was always standoffish, but we still had a relationship for almost twenty years.  Then she'd said some incredibly nasty things.  I realized then just how much my mom and dad had been my best friends, my confidantes and my advisors.  It's crazy how you never realize these things until they are gone.  I want to give back to families like mine.  I want to help those that didn't plan on being parents.  I want to help make families.

Short Term - This is where I am stuck.  I've been thinking about this all week.  I feel like I have to give the right answer but I don't know what that is. (My brain isn't exactly the nicest person to me.)  To be honest sometimes it changes from day to day.  

    Some days it's easy.  I want to make dean's list this semester.  Some days, my goal is to just make it through the next hour.  Make it through the day.  Some days, it's just to be able to get out of bed.  I guess you can have more than one short term goal.  I want to adult successfully, which I guess is an ultimate long term goal.  I have two rooms that need to be cleaned out and set up.  I have to go through my parent's things and get rid of stuff.  I have to go through a combined 70 years worth of stuff.  I start to work on it, get overwhelmed and shut down.  Having to figure out what my short term goal is overwhelms me than taking a test.