A Week I Will Never Forget

Ryan's First Photo
September 9, 2001

September 11, 2001.  This is a day we will never forget.  For me this will always be a bittersweet day.  That morning, Brad and I were preparing to bring Ryan home from the hospital.  Ryan's birthday is 9/9/01.  That morning I remember being in my room, nursing Ryan while they were trying to do our final labs so that we could go home.  Brad had not yet made it to the hospital that morning.  I had the news on and they were talking about an explosion at the World Trade center.  A few minutes later, I saw the second plane hit the other building.  My heart sank.  They were talking on the news about other planes missing and other attacks.  You see, I woke up that morning scared already.  I was 20.  I had a newborn son.  I was leaving the hospital and getting ready to be a mom.  I wasn't even close to being ready to be a mom.  I was scared.  I remember my mother in law calling.  She was scared too.  She wanted us to get out of Dallas as soon as possible.  She wanted us to get home as soon as possible.  I was scared out of my mind at that point.  We left the hospital as soon as they said I could.  I forgot a few things that I will never get back.  We never got his prints taken.  We never got the newborn photos.  We left without his birth certificate.  We got to my parents house and continued watching the news that day.  I didn't know about the Pentagon being hit or the plane going down in Pa. until we got home.  In my mind, I knew that Ryan's birthday would forever and always be associated with 911.  By the time we had gotten home, both towers of the World Trade Center had collapsed.  What a way to start off motherhood.  In the days that followed the eeriest part to me was not hearing any planes....it was absolutely silent.  We lived just a short drive from DFW.  There was always air traffic.  It was always landing air traffic.  The silence of those days was just unnerving to me.  To this day seeing an airplane on approach and flying low jolts me.  Even though it happens many times a day.  Today, I've hardly seen or heard an airplane.  It's a little eerie.  There is never silence.

I have seen all the footage many times.  We have talked about it many times.  It's not a secret.  Ryan knows that it happened.  This week there have been specials on TV all week.  As I sat to watch one documentary this past week, Ryan sat to watch it with me.  It didn't dawn on me that he has never actually seen what happened, he was just told about it.  He started getting upset about what he was seeing.  I asked him what he was seeing that was upsetting him.  He told me that he had never seen what happened, he knows because we have always talked about it and he hears it on the radio around his birthday.  I asked him if he wanted me to turn off the TV and he said yes.  This morning when we woke up, we watched a show with all the footage from the 102 minutes of time from when the first plane hit, until the North Tower came down.  He stuck around for a bit then went to watch a show in the other room.

Friday my son turned ten.  Today, it's been ten years since 911.  I'm so thankful for the life God trusted me with.  I mourn for those whose lives were cut short.  It weighs heavy on my heart today that I can be so happy for the last 10 years of my life, when thousands of lives were taken in an instant.  Thousands of families that didn't have that time.  It hurts.  I didn't lose anybody that I knew.  I lost my sense of safety.  I lost my sense of security.  Even with the heavy police presence this weekend, I don't always feel safe anymore.  I miss the world that I grew up in.  I miss the world I knew that my son never will.  I've never been comfortable in an airplane, now I will never set foot in one again.  This summer my son, his dad and grandparents flew to California to go to Disney.  As soon as they were out of site at the airport, I just sat and cried.  I could not sleep that night until they called to let me know that they made it safely.  I cried myself to sleep that night.  I had nightmares.  They called as they were about to board the plane on the way home.  I couldn't relax until he was safe in my arms again.  That week he was gone, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't breathe.  I was in a constant state of anxiety until he was home again.  Every time my phone rang, my heart sank until I heard his voice on the other end.  Ten years and a day ago, I never would have thought twice about it.  I would have missed him, but I wouldn't have been that anxious.

This is a new world that we live in.  I don't like it.  Not one bit.  I wish that this had never happened.  I wish that this wouldn't always coincide with his birthday.  I will forever know how many years it's been.  I will know because it will be the same age as my son.  It is forever etched in me.  It hurts that he has to know that ignorance is our worst enemy.  Extremism is our worst enemy.  We must not be a nation divided.  We must stand together and show the ignorant extremists that they will never win.

So as I send my condolences and prayers to the families that lost fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, daughters and sons, I also celebrate.  The life of my son has been a blessing every year for the last ten years.  My son will continue to be a blessing for the rest of my life.

My thoughts and prayers are with your families this day.

Happy Birthday to you my son.  You will forever be a blessing.

Ryan 10 Years old

What on earth is in the water??????

So far 2 couples that we are in small group with are preggers.  That is totally awesome and we are so happy for our friends.  One of them is having twin boys.  Super cool!!!!  Well on Friday afternoon I found out my cousin Chloe is going to also be having a baby.  Awesome.  This will be her second child.  I'm so happy for her and her husband Rob!!!!!!

So Friday night We are at a dinner with some former classmates so that we can start planning our 10 year reunion.  While we are getting ready to leave, my BFF Nickle (that's what Ryan calls her) calls me.  She hems and haws a little before I finally get her to spit it out.  She's 6 weeks pregnant with her husband.  The boys are so excited too.  They are going to be big brothers!!!!!  I'm so happy for them.  They have been trying for a little while.  

Now if you guys can send me some of that water that you have been drinking that would be great because I am so ready for it to be my turn.

Congratulations to all you new and repeat parents to be.  You guys are all in our prayers.

She Halley

Exciting Days!!!

I am super excited for a friend of ours!  They are expecting twins and they found out that one was a boy.  They don't know about the other yet.  I check their blog daily for updates on the twins and their little girl.  I'm always looking for new pictures or news.  I'm super excited for them!!!!!

I myself have had some wonderful blessings with my career.  I'm a Mary Kay consultant and my business is booming.  I've made some new friends and new customers.  I can't believe how much God is blessing us with my business.  I can't wait to see what he has in store for us now.