Questions

These last few months have been spent questioning myself and my choices over the last few years.  I guess that has been the catalyst to me going back to school.  When I look back at my life, I don't have much to show for it.  Since I have been an adult, I have been someones mom.  For the last seven years, I have been someones wife.  I have never been my own person.  I have never traveled.  I have never had the time to figure out what I want to do with my life.  That choice was made for me before I had time to think.  Well, sort of.  I had very little time to make a VERY difficult choice.  As we struggle financially, I have my days where I wonder if I made the right choice for Ryan.  I know that he probably could have had a far better life.  We can’t give him all the things other people can.  But what we can’t give him, we far make up for with love.  At least I hope we do.  I have been a lot harder on him lately.  Harder on him about his schoolwork.  Harder on him about his sports.  Harder on him about his temper.  What’s funny is that he makes all A’s and B’s in school.  He is smart as can be.  He is a very well behaved boy.  He could try harder at his sports, but he’s at an age where he’s dealing with laziness.  I know we have to nip it in the bud soon and we are working on that.  I just wish I could have more patience.  Is it too late for me to start going back to school and get a degree.  I got really overwhelmed with my Maymester at school.  It was only a two week class.  How am I going to get through 4 years?  What about work?  How will I be able to find and hold down a part time job and balance my home activities and Ryan’s sports, and being a mom and being a wife?  Am I taking on too much?  Asking too much of myself?  I’m pretty sure I made an A though.  That says something good right?  I guess while I’m taking my basics, I should figure out what I want to do.  It’s not much time, but at least I will figure out what I want to do with my life right?  Music has always been my love, but the more I think about it, the less it seems like that’s what I want to do.  I LOVE to sing.  I’m just maybe not so sure about the teaching part of it.  There isn’t much around this area to do if you just love to sing.  I have to find a profession.  Is this a Mid-Life Crisis?  Am I old enough for a Mid-Life Crisis?  Why does this seem so hard?  Why does everything have to be so difficult?