Thinking Out Loud

As I sit here in my room thinking, I'm reminding myself to be thankful. It's easy to have a pity party and say why me, or why not me. Why can't I have that or why do they get that, I'm a better person. The truth is, I have a lot. I have a roof over my head. We are blessed with a pretty big apartment that we can afford. My husband has a job. I have a couple of friends that have been out of work for some time now. I have food to eat in my refrigerator. I have a friend who has been eating oatmeal and Mac & Cheese for a week. I have a wonderful 9 year old son that is well behaved and that loves to learn and likes school. What child loves school???? I have a great family and friend support system that helps us when we fall short. Tonight my Ex's Mom bought some school clothes for Ryan and gave us a gift card for school supplies. The relationship with with my ex and his family is great. I love them and I am glad we are still family even though Brad and I couldn't work things out. That is a great thing for my son. How many broken homes truly function like ours does. My husband is a good friend to Ryan's dad and Ryan's dad is a good friend to Jim. My husband is a wonderful man that will stay up with me until 3AM to comfort me when I'm in pain. Even when he has to be on the bus to work by 6:30AM. My husband loves me and takes care of me even when I am crabby to him. My father has had many close calls with his health, but God still has some work for him here. I have a business that my father and I do together. I get to spend time with my Daddy that I missed out on years ago. My parents help us in ways I can't even begin to describe. I have a best friend who would and has moved heaven and earth if that's what I asked. She knows me in ways nobody else ever will with the exception of Jim. I the feel the world may be safer that way...Hehehe...I can talk to her about anything. I feel that she truly knows me inside and out. Plus she has stuck around for 16 years. That says something.....Hehehe....

Are we financially rich?

No.

Are we rich with possessions?

No.

Are we rich with family?

Yes.

Are we rich with our friends?

Yes.

Are we rich in love?

Yes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to stop thinking about and wanting what we don't have and be thankful for what we do have. We are rich in many ways that people aren't. God has given us many things. God has carried us when we couldn't walk on our own. God has walked beside us other times. We believe we have found a church that we feel can feed us what we need. We met with a Lifegroup last Sunday that we both like too. The best part was for the first time, Ryan begged us to take him back. He was also able to tell us what he learned in Sunday School other than video games. He was talking about the ripples that God uses to move us to make ripples in other people's hearts...I'm paraphrasing and I'm sure when Ryan reads this he will correct me. But that statement from him warmed my heart in a way I can't describe. I look forward to more conversations with him like that. I know that I have stepped back a bit from God in the last year, but I need him and I feel him tugging in my heart to change things. I've started with my relationships with my husband and son. I have not been the best wife and mother in the last year or so. I'm working to change that. I'm not perfect, nor will I be, and I do still make mistakes, but I know that with practice, and determination I will improve.

This entry has been very theraputic for me to sit down and lay it out. I'm going to try harder to put my thoughts down and not hold it inside. It won't always be pretty entries. I'm sure there will be venting going on too. But the more I hold it in, the more that explodes later. I'd rather not have to clean up the mess later and just deal with it as it comes. If I offend, I apologize. I'm not here to be politically correct. I don't think God made us to be PC either. I speak my mind and it's not always nice or PC, but that's what's on my mind.

1 Corinthians 10:31

Kristina