I'm not having a very good day. I woke up with a flare up. I know exactly what caused it. I had two slices of pizza last night. The bread got me. I force myself out of bed, because my husband's care is at my parents house and someone has to take Ry to school. Admittedly I'm not in the best mood. I hurt, and I just want to lay in bed.
I had my spark, my supplements and my shake in the car. I get Jim to his car, Ry to school, run to the doctors office, to get his prescription. While there, the new office manager hassles me because Ry and I have different last names. She actually wasn't going to let me pick up his prescription. I was rude back. I know....I should have been more patient....I wasn't. Reread above. I'm not in a good mood. So after finally proving that yes, I am Ry's mom and yes, I do have the authority to pick up his meds, I run to the pharmacy. What pharmacy doesn't open until 10???? Really???? I go home. I will drop it off on the way to work.
I am now back in bed. For lunch I make another horrible food choice. I get one of those 100 calorie sandwich breads that are flat, throw 1/4c of cheese on it and nuke the sucker. Add a small bag of sun chips and you have a carb feast for lunch. All loaded with gluten. Reread above. I hurt. I don't feel like leaving again to go and pick up a salad. I don't feel like cooking eggs to make this somewhat healthier, and there is no way in hell I'm going to defrost chicken or tilapia and frozen veggies for lunch. It's not a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, but it's close.....What's sad is I only ate 1/2 of the lunch. I now have an upset stomach to go with my body pain. I know if I go and run or walk, I will feel better, but I hurt and I just want to roll over and sleep.
These are the days that are the hardest for me. I have a girls night planned with a good friend and a jewelry party just before. I feel so bad, I don't want to go, yet I want to go sooooo bad!!!!!
These were the days that would sabotage my previous weight loss attempts. I would make a bad food choice and think "That's it. It's over. Why try?" I would stay in bed for days after feeling like I have failed the world. I felt like everybody was ashamed of me. I felt like I wasn't good for anyone. Looking back, that was a serious emotional struggle for me. I would let one day like today totally derail me. Then I'd start over in a few months, and do good for a month and have a bad day. Then it would derail me again. Once again, I'd feel like I did before. I knew then just as well as I know now, that it wasn't true, yet I'd let my emotions rule my brain.
Today is a bad day. I'm not happy with myself for making poor food choices. This was not because I'm emotionally compromised. This was out of laziness and not feeling like doing anything that takes any effort. If nothing else today, I will go to work. Enjoy the job I have been so blessed to have been given. I will have fun at this party tonight, and then I will have fun on my girl's night after.
Tomorrow is a new day. No mistakes....yet. I am not perfect. This will not sideline me. I have not come this far, just to go back. I have made many poor food choices on this weight loss journey. I have paid for it in pain, weight gain, and sickness.....I will move past and carry on. That is what has made this journey to weight loss successful thus far. I acknowledged my mistake and moved on. Maybe I will go for a run later. It's a perfect day for it. For right now, I'm still in bed. Curled up in a blanket and wallowing in my pain.....Tomorrow is a new day........
Now where did I put that bottle of naproxen???????
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